it's all part of the plan
How many times now?
Always the same cycle: I allow myself one final chance before I stop. But I always can't seem to let go. 

Sigh has this all been a waste of effort or are people just trying to tell me something that I've so blatantly missed

:'( why is doing the good thing so hard

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But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.