it's all part of the plan
Why didn't I get your mass text?
posted on Saturday, September 28, 2013 @ 12:08 AM
MASS TEXT by Tay Allyn: Officially the worst song I've ever listened to and the MV is not any better either omg it is not even laughably bad like Friday it is just bad full stop

Amazing people getting bowled over and not coming back up... it is really scary. Especially when all this while I have been looking up to them as an unmovable rock, solid and unwavering in strength.  

And people I never thought would have the /immense/ pleasure of going through what I did one / two years ago are now suffering I don't even know what to do anymore. We are all messed up people in a messed up world. Either that or we are too dumb too blind too foolish to realize how straightforward things really are. Maybe we are all just complicating matters cos after all all the wisest people are the simplest people hmmm

Everyone we all have to know that we are not alone in feeling all these bad things and it's not something to be ashamed so seek help

Though that is easier said than done I mean "seek help" wts that is the last thing I would ever do

Nowadays idk what to think I am just floating about in my meaningless existence so what is new

But sometimes just sometimes a little envy slips past my amazingly effective emotion filter and I start to be just a bit jealous of those who have something to live for :( because I've forgotten. I feel like every day all I am doing is passing time and feeding my natural and primal desire for survival and it is NOT NICE

Ok la it is not horrible either it is just dispassionately dispassionate and really unfulfilling

Have I become soulless?? What am I even feeling... Confusion? Helplessness? What even???

Gah today we had 2 blocks of Chinese. Janelle sat beside me the lesson was really boring but I managed to stay awake throughout wow achievement unlocked. Then after the lesson we played bridge in class (actually I just watched people play) then I fell asleep and was almost late for my options cos I thought that it started at 12 when it started at 11 hahaha

Entrepreneurship was really draining sigh I was floating in and out of consciousness throughout the 2 hours. I met Nic Soepranoto (I think that is how you spell her name?) and she is really really tall!! Like really towering over everyone else

And I realized just how different I am from those "normal" RG kids like w o w I can't even begin to fathom opening up to people so fast I am just forever staying in my own little bubble of warmth and I refuse to let anyone in (they would hate it)

I also realized how bad I am at origami omg I knew I was bad I just didn't know I was this bad man

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But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.