First time posting from my phone I think I will miss android when I switch to iOS :(

So last paper on Tuesday and I feel ...... idky but a sense of loss. Before that I was too used to not caring and having the all-too-familiar sense of detachment (which actually gave me a lot of inner peace) and now suddenly I realize that maybe I should care, and maybe I really should. Too bad by the time I came to this realization it is already far too late and ha ha like I am going to even study for Malay. But because I do actually care a bit now I feel like I have let a lot of things go and all of a sudden a lot of regret comes rushing in and arfhgjgkf can I just go back to not caring.

And also sigh I should have appreciated those times more, when we would laugh at every little thing and nothing was awkward and we would never want to go home because it is too happy being just here with all the others and laughing till our stomachs hurt. And now that it's gone I only just realize how much it meant to me and how easy it was to lose it. I really want to go back to those times. I wonder what changed. And I wonder if there is any way to fix it.

This has been a reflective weekend for me and even then I am too afraid to write down all my thoughts for fear of being ridiculed (???) and I always feel that nowhere is safer than in my mind. But of course there is always the danger of me just forgetting it and then poof! it's gone forever. There are a lot of things that I have to let out but I don't dare to let out and maybe I don't even want to let out and I am currently bursting at my seams from it all hAlp


Ok I really should start on Malay right

Options tomorrow till 🎉 five thirty in the late afternoon 🎉 so brilliant!!! At least I get to wake up later though ha ha be jelly kidz ;)