tbh my social memory is probably as good as victor's but usually i pretend not to know / act like i don't remember cos i have learnt that it creeps people out even though it's not like i can even help remembering stuff like that pls. honestly i really don't mind forgetting all these useless stuff and freeing up some memory space for legit stuff instead but ... it's just how my mind works guys i don't make extra effort to memorise your b'day and siblings' names and timetable etc ok

this morning we had bcube prac and i am so tired of being the burden and the useless and the one that pulls the whole group down :( and i feel so sian because i am getting left out again. it's like this is just an inevitable part of all my relationships with others - always being forgotten, always put last, always an afterthought. i know i have no one but me to blame (most of the time, at least) but sometimes i just feel like raging at everybody who shuns me, whether unconsciously or consciously, because it gets quite frustrating at times esp when i'm trying to speak and no one bothers to listen.

on to happier things: i finally gave annette her b'day present today :) no need to eat for the next week liao x_x  but whatever ~_~ i think my class's social dynamics are starting to settle down and though there aren't obvious girl cliques (but then again there are only 9 girls la so ...) i know of at least two indistinct guy cliques (QR + cat high kids / sy xp isaiah and someone else i forgot who) and a few pairs like yx + c, gl + cc, me + annette. i think i shall just jot this down now so that i can see how it changes after class camp and subsequently over the next 2 years :> sry for being so weird maybe i should study sociology next time

after school annette isaiah weize and i had to go meet ms victoria for the lesson thing and so sian we have to go up and teach the whole class tomorrow you know ;__; during the consult i was trying so hard not to laugh cos victoria bought a handroll and some pastry thing to eat while talking to us and she was dropping crumbs all over it was quite amusing. but after she left it was quite awkward cos the four of us don't really know each other that well despite working together during gp lessons. they're both really nice guys though i hope we can grow closer c: seeing that we're stuck for the next 2 years also haha.

generally today has been a really long and tiring day for me but studying at raja after gp consult was cool :) arielle and i had a nice walk to chill ~ then after that i momentarily got into the ~*zone*~ but by then i had to leave alr so i wasn't productive for long. usually i only get into the zone during exams and when i'm not i am usually just completely off which explains why i am always so unproductive that not doing any work at home for the whole week (or whole month) is quite the norm for me.

i think that's all dinner is waiting for me so goodbye