it's all part of the plan
So sleepy
posted on Monday, October 28, 2013 @ 10:53 PM
you disappoint me, again and again.

thought that after so many times i would learn to expect less of you, but each time i keep on wishing and hoping

sigh hopeless you (and me)

we were just apart enough for the tip of our knuckles to brush slightly. "it was nice knowing you," i said, staring straight ahead. willing myself not to turn, willing my tears not to fall.
"i won't see you next year."
z Z z

 a warm pressure on my ear, a whisper barely audible: "fare thee well."

 that was all you said.
that was all we needed.

i am so sleepy goodnight i don't have to wake up early tomorrow bc i am a bad & useless cca member ha ha

the reason i would like to care (though i still can't bring myself to) is that i feel like i have got to prove something. for others (i really mean a specific you in this case), it's different - they know where they stand, as do the people around them. for me, not so. too many assumptions made, too much haze. it's too confusing. and that's why i would like to try, just once, to shake my head clear of that mist. do you get my reasoning? call it childish and immature if you like (it is anyway) but it's really just for myself so why would you need to care?

as i drift further away from normalcy i find less and less things relateable and it is scary wondering if there is someone else who feels the same way as i do maybe i should really switch schools or something ..... well too late for that

"if it still hurts, you still care." o u c h

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But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.