Being brutally honest with myself is an exercise I need to do from time to time, and the truth is ... I am still shackled. I am still a sinner. Prone to unhealthy thought patterns and toxic inaction. How long had I sat on my internship application? It cost me a job. How long did I let my emotional discomfort fester? It cost me friends, and a whole lot of mental health. A few weeks ago, we were having a conversation about dating younger guys. My friend said she almost definitely wouldn't, because at this point in our emotional development, even one year makes a whole world of difference in terms of maturity. She wouldn't date herself one year ago because she's simply changed so much ...

It made me realise - I've stagnated again. I am immediately reminded of JC times when I felt that I hardly grew much as a person throughout my two years. I don't want this to happen again. It's time to take ownership of my own emotional and spiritual development and break free from passivity!!

Jesus, today I entrust my growth to You. Fill me with Your wisdom and may I be better equipped to carry out Your will for me.

(I've not entirely stopped developing as a person - I'm definitely a lot more sure about what I want out of my life now as compared to say, 8 months ago, and also more discerning in whether the people in my life are good or bad influences. At the same time, I feel like I've developed some unhealthy thought patterns as well - I'm quicker to judge now which is not all good. I'm less forgiving of selfish people or people who I deem as ethically sub-par. Lord, remind me again and again to love as You love. To forgive as You forgive.)

In other news, I just came back from a MINDBLOWINGLY AWESOME trip in Utah/Arizona/Nevada!! Watch my video here :)