It's my third week here in Berkeley and I'm drowning under the super super heavy CS workload. It's really cray. Case in point: I have 3 group projects, 1 homework and 1 assignment to do by today. I am like studying 10x more than my normal back in NTU, which is so ironic given that usually exchange = slack sem.

Told a few people about this already but yesterday night I was in the toilet when I overheard this conversation happening in the pantry:

A: Faith gg she did the algo homework by herself cos she had no group.
B: Yah, she was saying that the rest all pair up for the groupings already and nobody asked her.
A: Sad ah. No friends...

And I was a bit :( I guess I'm 'famous' for having no friends eh.

I think it's just my personality I guess? Very quiet, very shy - very forgettable. Also very blur, so I'm the last person to realise that there are assignments due / groups to be formed etc. So by the time I realise it on my own, everyone else has picked their groupings already.

I noticed that it's a consistent thing, this forgettable-ness. I used to hate it but now I've more or less come to terms with it. Staying true to myself trumps social standing is what I tell myself. Of course, in practice, it's always a struggle to fight against the saltiness of being left out - but nobody owes me anything. They did nothing wrong, they aren't deliberately leaving me out. Forgetting people isn't a crime.

Sigh.

Throwback to GB/BB days, where the mantra of "ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind" was always emphasised. Ohana culture. The real world isn't like GB/BB - it's every man for himself. I've been too spoilt by the inclusive culture of GB/BB, but I'm glad I was ever part of such a community. Few are privileged enough to ever experience it.

But back to real life --

Now I gotta do all my projects alone which is like 5x harder :( If you're reading this, send a jiayou my way pls. Thanks hahahaha

Labels: exchange, rant, rep