it's all part of the plan
End of Sem!
posted on Monday, December 05, 2016 @ 4:36 AM
Whew this entire sem has really been a helluva ride for me. So many new experiences, so many new highs, and sadly also so many new lows. Glad that I've kinda adjusted to uni life - I have a core group of friends (stupei + faiths + james, tbl4, Gerald&Ashley), and although I haven't been coping well with schoolwork I can't really say that I should've studied harder cos if I did I probably wouldn't have had so many meaningful interactions with the people I've met in REP, and also I probably would've lost my mind hahaha :p Pretty sure that engineering isn't my thang, but if I get through this sem unscathed (PRAYING FOR 3.5 OMG PLEASE JESUS SAVE ME), I guess I'll just stick it out. But if I really do get like a 1.7 GPA or something, errr I think I'll really seriously consider dropping this course? I mean it's really not for everyone, especially a non-mugger, last-minute, super nuasai person like me lah. The money though. And that one entire year overseas. Hahaha.

On the romantic front, I decided not to pursue anything further for now. I wanna just focus on improving myself first. There are so many flaws in myself I want to fix and I don't want an emotional commitment distracting me from that. These past four months have been really draining, and between overthinking and providing emotional support to a very needy person, I've sorta burnt myself out. Oftentimes I found myself using this ... 'relationship' (loosely used here, nothing was ever official) ... as an excuse to remain distant from my closest friends. And I really hate that I did that. I really hate that I kind of lost myself in this battle to figure out what I want in the future. Many times I would cry out to God, questioning everything - why is this so hard for me? Why do others have it so much easier? But I take comfort in the fact that He never throws us anything we can't handle, and that through this I will grow, I will mature, I will become more capable of handling my emotions. I will take this as training, and training is worth becoming a stronger and wiser person :)

Okay it's like 4.34am right now and I should really sleep. This is not a proper end-of-sem reflection post, not even a proper recap, but it shall do for now. Till next time brudders.

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imbécillité
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.