haven't been doing work. it's weird how i have pockets of productivity, when days at a time, i can feel the motivation to do my tutorials and other work and be a normal raffles kid. but these pockets are small; soon i would default to the humdrum of my eat-sleep-bathe cycle, ennui engulfing me, sleep tearing at my eyelids e_e

also i really have very weird dreams. i dreamt that angeline and desiree were having bio prac in the rg bio lab and yiwei and i were waiting outside so that we could go to the gb room for heralds stuff together ... that blazer was gay (hahaha) ... that a petite girl of alabaster beauty escorts us to the toilet ... that 6G kids were chionging our GP AQ in toilet cubicles ...

does this mean too much sleep or too little sleep u_u

things have been kind of weird ever since ... i think, CTs? maybe i had unwittingly shed off my protective layer and let everyone see me for who the nondescript monster i really am because now no one talks to me and i'm even more a friendless loner and even more a faith ang :c

the other day when i came back from passing my friend something the class girls were huddling outside the classroom and i was there standing outside the circle awkwardly alone ........

afterwards kim and clarissa came to join me when they saw i was being left out but those split seconds when i felt their solidarity prevailing and me realising that i'll never be part of a group that i loved and that loved me too was the first wave of cold water rushing down my back

am i really destined to always be alone always having no friends always not liked not disliked merely a redundant aspect of everyone's life. "yeah she's my classmate but we don't talk" "we're not close" "wait, who? oh, her... she's nice i guess"

it's not irony that i lost my PBB shirt, it's a sign. i'll never be set apart - i will only be left apart ;__;

even in BB when i feel the most comfortable i am still constantly forgotten
can you buy friends on ebay ya think

Labels: 6g, eccentricity, laziness deans list, primers, weird dreams