sometimes i just find it so hard and i just wanna give up and run away from everything. it seems to me that no matter how hard i try, i'll only meet with the same fate. and i don't even know how to begin to tackle even the simplest of these problems.

and the worst of all is that i seem to be the only one facing all this ... or at least facing the worst of "all this". i can't even talk to anyone about it cos they'd just be like /smiles condescendingly ":( :(" etc i can just imagine

also ugh so pissed with some people today. you're describing me with that? when you are a lot worse than i am (and we both know that)? thought since we've known each other for quite long (though not very well la i must admit. we did work tgt in the same group for projects before though) i thought you'd think twice before you judge me.

people are disappointing me again and again i really miss those simpler times when even though i faced the same problems, at least i had janelle and px to confide in without being afraid of them judging me. i can't believe how much i took for granted before. not to mention that those said problems were a lot less severe and people were a lot less judgmental. i guess i've drifted apart from people more than i've become closer to new people and even though i might have more people to talk to now, we can only talk about superficial things and i find that i have almost no one left i can be totally myself with. or maybe i'm just losing myself.

also amy's friend who's in my class ... yeah she's nice and i get it but sometimes it's like ... she doesn't mind pushing people down to get her way to the top and it's really scary because i am a pushover and yes i think she has me in her sights - an easy win. an opponent to kill off first. you don't need dystopian societies to have fight-to-the-death wars; there are so many happening all around you, even if the deaths aren't that literal.

this situation is only going to get worse and worse as i progress in sch / working life / whatever and i have no idea what i can do to mitigate the problem arGh i am so drained i really want to give up so badly.

i've never been lonelier in my life :( and i am pretty lonely person

i hate it so much that sometimes i feel like i wanna be sick because at least that's something i can hide behind. a secret obsession, a passion even. better than floating around every day with no sense of purpose. so tired of people making assumptions just because it is more convenient for them to believe those half-truths than sift through all the dirt to discover the real people. they just don't want to get their hands dirty and maybe sometimes i'm like that too but other times i try to make an effort to do so and no one else is reciprocating

wow i typed this on notepad so i didn't realise just how long my paragraphs are hahaha oops i think this is a very emo post idek