i am seriously the laziest (and dumbest which doesn't help matters) person ever
what have i done for EYAs so far? inquisitive people ask.
ans: read selective pages of physics TB and organic chem notes
and that's all

i have a feeling i'm going to regret this when EYAs really start
also malay i haven't done malay at all why did i choose to take o'levels someone kill me now
or i'll do it myself ;__;
the kiss was a meld of regret and longing, a farewell gift from us to us.

"but [screened]," you said.
then you laughed and i laughed and we tried to pass it off as a joke, but both of us knew that you meant it and that it was true, and it hung uncomfortably in the thick silence that ensued.

some days i am so devoid of feeling that i have to stand in front of the full length mirror in my bedroom and push the corners of my mouth up, try to force it into a smile. just to practise how to appear happy, sad, disappointed, frustrated, et cetera, because i have forgotten how to feel.

then other times all this empty emotion starts filling back up and then overflowing in the form of tears streaming down my cheeks, and i cry for hours without even knowing why. all i do know is that i am overwhelmed and i am full and i am leaking because i have long lost control along with everything else. and after everything has been let out and i feel empty and dry all over again, i go back to the mirror and push the corners of my mouth down, try to force it into a frown. because i have returned to the void where i now lead my meaningless existence.