idk i look back and think, oh my how i have wasted the past 3 years in rgs. time passes me by the clock ticks like the pulse in the nape of my neck every beat every count is one beat one count nearer to the endgame

hahaha i'm not worried about dying really
.
.
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ok maybe i am


i hate u so much and i know what you think and it's all a bunch of lies but you remain oblivious to all these poorly-constructed untruths as unstable as a card tower but you don't even notice when they collapse because yes you are too fucking self-absorbed

i'm so terrified of change and i don't want to go to rj #1 everyone around me will start getting involved in romantic affairs less than three less than three less than three and i will just be an even more prominent foreveralone loser. right now it's just senior/junior crushes but imagine when it gets serious and everything everyone will be judging me even more idw ;__; i feel people's eyes on me all the time even when no one is looking at me cos after they finally notice me they start judging and rightfully i can't blame them cos i judge too, all the time, can you see my eyes they are dancing like flames on a late summer night

help it's v-day tomorrow halp

my favouritest part of the day: just as the sun is about to rise, when the world is still shaking her sleepy head, trying to clear the drowsiness from her mind; when everything is bathed in dark hues of pinks and blues, a mixture between night and day, when silhouettes dance in the beckoning of another beautiful new day. the birds feel it too, and though they stay silent, if you listen hard enough you can just hear the slight sounds of their movements - a stretching of the wing, the fixing of the mother bird's arrogant tilt, poising expectantly and ready to hunt, the little chicks stirring in their nests as they cuddle up against each other. the flowers get ready, preening themselves and positioning in preparation for the coming of the light, ready for bloom.

that is when i feel awake. then and only then do i feel like i am not in a fantasy that never ends, a dream you can never escape from. for when you don't ever sleep, it is hard to feel awake. generations past have proved - we self-mutilate, we drink blood, we dress up and act like divas. we set fire, we create evil, we destroy. we torture, we kill, we pillage. we submerse ourselves in pain, we turn icy cold and fiery hot. we glint like diamonds under the sun, always reflecting light that was never our own, never our own to call. our pale white faces that turn against the sky as if it would bring upon us a terrible disease; our incisor-sharp movements, knives that cut throats before they can react - mere signs of our eternal consciousness that begot ever-unconsciousness.

for when you don't ever sleep, you go to great lengths to feel awake.